Ain't No Future in Your Frontin

I thought I was cured, the fancy had passed,
I was through,

But fuck! if I can't get over you.

Something that has yet to begin for real,
Just barely had a start,

But fuck! if you aren't in my heart.

I know you feel what I feel, I can tell in
everything that you do,

Then I say I do me, and you do you,

But fuck! if that's happened yet.

You, so caught up in the net, and sometimes
I feel your pain,

Love can end up in loss, but don't be scared to
get like Mike and
"Make that Change"

I won't wait for you, even though we could
put this feelin in our hands,

I gotta leave you alone,

But FUCK, if I don't want you to be my man.

By T.Nikole 2008



I just had to get that off my chest. Really. I know I'm getting myself ready to open the door to the best relationship I've ever been involved in for my entire life, but it doesn't seem like the time is yet. Do I think it's coming? Yes. Do I have patience? HELL NO! And meantime, I keep busy with work and my social outings.

Sometimes, when we talk, I promise I can read his soul....it's CRAZY! And he's just been letting me in so slowly, but that's how I know it's authentic. He totally does not bullshit me, and I can really appreciate that. Don't get me wrong. Truth hurts like a MOTHER, but I respect him ten million times more for actually being a MAN about the situation. And I don't push it AT ALL, because I am not trying to be a temptress, and after the day he let me know his confusion and I could tell he was as fucked up about the situation as I was, I am just being that friend that he can talk to. It's not my fault that "friend he can talk to" is sexy, smart, and irresistible LOL

I do feel like he is, in some ways, denying himself his true happiness. That sounds so conceited, like I know I'm his sunshine and shit LOL But really, I feel like I can see him for who he is to be in my life, but does he realize who I am in his? And you know I'm still me, through and through, because I just wanna love him, but you know I'm not about to put my feelings out there like that if I can't get that unconditional reciprocation I require. I'm definitely NOT a glutton for punishment. So yeah, I put up a bit of a front, which makes him put up his facade, and then we get attitudes with each other, just before one calls the other one out and then we're all up in each others' faces again - lovey dovey and shit. And the game continues in this manner....thus far, to no end. Coño! It's torture!

Here's some fitting lyrics for right about now:

Jay-Z's verse from "Frontin" by Pharrell Williams

Everytime your name was brought up, I would act all nonchalant
in front of an audience,
Like if you was just another shorty I put the naughty on,
But uh, truth be told you do me for a loop, this Hov,
I'm too old to be frontin what I'm feeling,
Denzelin it -acting like you ain't appealing when you are
Stunting like you ain't my only girl but you are (I was just frontin)
I'm ready to stop when you are

Of course, with the gender flip, I could easily flow on these bars...

I'm ready to stop playin the game and let our feelings shine when he is.

Don't be scared, baby. I'm finally not.